What do you do to help other people?

[petra]

How are you staying connected with people in this new reality? What good things are you able to do for them? These are questions that often bother me when I'm unable to work, whether the reason is internal or external. I know my worth is not determined by my acts, but sometimes I have trouble believing it. On those days, I think through what I'm able to do even in reduced straits. How about you?

Comments

[jadelennox]

My friend has organized a zoom reading circle. People connect every few nights -- all friends of hers, mostly strangers to each other -- and a few of them read a very short story or a poem. Just an way to see other humans and have contact.

[jesse_the_k]

Great idea!

[desireearmfeldt]

Interesting variation on both the book club and the "bardic circle" format of group singing.

[petra]

That is good thinking. I'm interested in what Zoom can do for me, too.

This is always hard

[jesse_the_k]

...even without the added background process of the pandemic panic.

Large goals are a trap for me, because variable health resources make it harder to finish all the things.

So I set smaller goals.

I bop around the internet answering questions I can, particularly on
https://reddit.com/r/wheelchairs
https://reddit.com/r/disability
https://ask.metafilter.com
and Ricky Buchanan jeshyr's Facebook Assistive Technology Group

This week I've been texting one person daily.

Re: This is always hard

[desireearmfeldt]

Smaller goals / focus on one thing at a time! That's what I need to get my brain to do! :)

Re: This is always hard

[petra]

Oh, this is always hard and the pandemic just makes it more immediately awful.

I like your goals. They seem much more grounded than the nonsense my hindbrain thinks I should do, which involves Saving The World on the regular. Je ne suis pas Buffy Summers.

Re: This is always hard

[jesse_the_k]

I wonder if Buffy Summers-as-role-model did as much damage to her generation as "We can do it all and have it all!" corporate feminism did to mine?

Re: This is always hard

[petra]

Into every generation, a terrifyingly competent role model is born. There are plenty of other heroines who save the world on the regular, but most of them aren't also as everygirl as Buffy was painted.

Re: This is always hard

[jesse_the_k]

Yes, that "ordinariness" (as if! an every girl looked like SMG and has awesome physical power) is the seed of much later-life disappointment.

Do you think there's Buffy in Menopause fic?

Re: This is always hard

[petra]

My buddy hannah likes writing Considerably Older Buffy. Not menopausal, but post-menopausal, is my memory.

[desireearmfeldt]

For helping others, I'm mostly flailing at the moment -- too much information, world is too large, everything's to overwhelming.

I've taken a couple of obvious baby steps: my parents and I agreed to check in by phone every few days (they're me-local and generally in very good shape, so they don't actively need help at the moment), I pinged my other local relatives of their generation and a shut-in friend to check in and explicitly tell them to think of me as a resource they can call on, spouse & I gave some money to some obvious charities (food banks, Dr w/o Borders, Unicef).

I'm doing some things to socialize, but honestly, right now Facebook is full of everyone in my extended circles trying to organize large-group/free-for-all online social events and it is stressing me the frak out with a combination of FOMO, not actually being fond of large-group free-for-alls, and the fact that working from home has changed basically nothing about my job so I don't actually have all that much more free time than I did, but my attention span is shattered.

I'm trying to combat that by reaching out to friends for one-on-one socializing; hopefully I can do more of that as time goes on.

[petra]

These are all good things, and I agree that if you keep your goals manageable you'll have better payoff from them.